biker jokes...bad language...questionable taste..

[TwoStroke Institute]

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2 ... badger-set

[Gustav O]

[phil]

Didn't know where to put it so...

[WayneG]

A classic! One of my all time favourites.

[phil]

[WayneG]

My favourite Weird Al song. (every card is a palindrome)

[RatsMC]

[phil]

[phil]

"What do we want!?!?!?!?"

"A cure for Tourettes!!!!!!

"When do we want it?!?!?!"

"CUNT!!!!"

[RatsMC]

I played in a jazz band for a while with a drummer who had tourettes. It was weird because it wasn't overt but mid-sentence he'd very quickly toss out the random "cunt". Having spent a far amount of time in the UK I can tell you that here in the States, cunt is received as considerably more offensive despite having the same meaning (phil, I'm sure you can attest to this). In this case, it was so randomly stuck into the middle of a perfectly normal sentence that it wasn't until about the fourth or fifth time when you'd got "wait, did he really just say cunt?" then it took a few more times before you'd realize he really did, in fact, just say that.

That wasn't actually a joke just a random and not very interesting story.

[WayneG]

Staying off topic for just a little longer (although this is funny), I saw this women in Stephen Fry's documentary a couple of weeks ago and she is my new hero.
I can't think of a better way to deal with Tourettes. BISCUIT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOwPaBDFDi4

[Desmo44]

Perhaps one of the best Tourettes scenes ever, from Larry Davids "Curb Your Enthusiasm"- Grand Opening of a new restaurant who's head chef had Tourettes and Larry and his partners try to break the ice...

[Cam D]

[phil]

... in the States, cunt is received as considerably more offensive despite having the same meaning (phil, I'm sure you can attest to this.)...

Very true, the c word is basically an ill advised choice of word in any situation stateside.
That said, back in '88 the term mother fu..er and son-of-a-bitch were never used curse words in Britian and I found it quite shocking that people went round insulting other peoples mother without conflict. Ok everyone uses the MFer phrase now but back then it was never said.
SuperTourettes rules!

[WayneG]

The Aldi Doctor
     
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." 
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. 
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Aldi's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about It. 
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi's. 
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. 
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi's." 

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. 
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure. 
Joe hurries back to Aldi's, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. 

The computer prints the following: 
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. 
Thank you for shopping at Aldi.

[phil]

Abortion. It really brings out the kid in you.

[phil]

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to buy all her clothes back.

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"Doctor, can you cure my migrane head ache's?"

"Of course. We just have to get rid of the root cause."

"Won't be easy - the wife's a bit fond of that fucking baby."

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Feminists have got it all wrong.

Us men don't 'see all women as sex objects'.

Just the ones with nice tits and arses.

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What bounces and makes kids cry?

My donation cheque to Children in Need.

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I went back to a girl's house last night.

After getting naked on the sofa, she pointed to her coffee table and said, "Would you rather shag me over that?"

I said, "Yes I would, you're much prettier."

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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg!

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[phil]

[RatsMC]

I saw that a while back and thought it pretty cool. I like the fact that the guy in the pink shirt is the only one brave enough to sit down. Awesome stuff.

[phil]

I've introduced a swear box at work to raise money for the Christmas Party.

Being a social worker looking after Tourette's sufferers really does have its benefits.

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I wish my son wouldn't use words like 'fat cunt' around me and his mum.

He did it today and my phone started dialling hers.

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I've been dating a homeless women recently, and I think it's getting serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

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A big bloke spilled my pint in the pub, so I shouted at him, "Hey you twat, look what you`ve done!"
He said "Before you start, mate, I spent 3 years in the Paras, 2 years in the SAS, a year in the Foreign Legion, the last year teaching unarmed combat, so what does that tell you?"
Eeerr...you can`t stick at anything?..." I replied!..

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If I ever rob a man, I'll kidnap him at about 7pm dressed as a chicken and hold him hostage until 3 am. Before I release him, I'll throw glitter, alcohol and perfume on him then drop him off at home. Try explaining that to his wife, "Honey I was kidnapped... By a chicken.... And he threw glitter on.... Fuck it, I went to a strip club."

..........................................................................................................

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

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Lets try and keep my Parkinson's out of ttthiiiss.

[phil]

Last Christmas, my wife said she didn't want a present, so I didn't get her one.
She went fucking mental.

"I know what I said," she moaned, "but when a girl says she doesn't want something, she means the opposite. Don't you know anything about women?"

So, using that logic, she'll be getting a cock up her arse this Christmas.

[Richo]

Touché Phil. As a man who lives with 4 women that started the day with a laugh.

[TwoStroke Institute]

Christmas is coming and my arse is getting fat, I fucking hate christmas and Santa is a twat. The credit crunch is on and times are really hard, so consider this post as your fucking christmas card.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
(scroll down to see Santa's willy)







































Act you fucking age there "IS NO SANTA" and why do you want to look at old man's cocks for is beyond me

[L34]

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person:


THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:

"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'

Well....I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine. It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."

Harold should be an inspiration to us all.

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A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales.

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex..

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time..'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all.
My wife won twice last week.'

[phil]

My Sex Addiction Therapist told me this morning that she was impressed with my progress.
She's happy I no longer see women as sexual objects and I can now recognise their needs as I'm sensitive to their inner feelings.


It sounds to me like someone wants her back door smashed in.......................