Hair of the Dog time..

[Oscar]

Absolutely NOTHING in the following moral tale is intended to suggest that driving when one has had a few drinkie-poos is a wise idea (and bloody riding with a skinful is likely to be exceedingly painful, at the very least), but if you have an ale with Christmas lunch and need to thread your way home around the blue meanies, this may be a helpful tip. However, note the caveats:

1) you need a large and preferably friendly but inquisitive dog. 2) said dog needs to be on the back seat of your car with access to your (driver's) window.

Here's how it works - from first-hand experience:

When rolling along and pulled over at a RBT station (at, say, 7.45 a.m. as I was), you pull up beside the meter-holding officer of the law and wind your window fully down. When the officer presents the meter and says: 'Count to 10', you ensure there is room between your head and the 'B' pillar for the dog to stick its inquisitive nose fully into the front of the meter.

Now, as in my case since we were both totally sober, the officer says: 'Well, sir, your dog tests negative, have a safe Christmas' and it's all done and dusted.

I haven't tested the second condition i.e. when one is a wee bit squiffy and you've given the dog a double vodka, so I do NOT guarantee that if suspicious, the officer will NOT request you both exit the vehicle for further checking, but if the dog is, for example, about 46 kgs. of Doberman with a currently-friendly-but-who-knows? look on its face, you might just find the officer is, on balance, too busy to worry about the finer points of the law, especially if you protest that the dog is a problem drinker and you're the nominated driver for the day.

High-risk strategy - but if the dog cops the demerit points I figure you are ahead...

[Pantah]

Down in Victoria,Oscar, they are so anal that you would be done for having an unrestrained animal in the car.You would feature in the following days edition of the Herald Sun as an irresponsible prick guilty of animal abuse and your case would be referred to the RSPCA ,who would would intern attempt to extract what little you have left after already being fleeced by the Victorian police.............
I do however like your approach......!
I was once pulled over at night in Japan for the roadside gig,but seeing as I was on a bike they waved me through.........I think they felt that anyone as wasted as I was would be incapable of handling a bike....hence no need for a check.
Ahhhhhhh how times have changed.......